Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
