I think I died a long time ago.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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