i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
