another moral hangover. fuck.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
