I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
