Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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