ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
