No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
