Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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