It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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