I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
