i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
