Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
