I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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