I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
