I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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