I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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