she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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