so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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