As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
