I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
