Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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