Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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