My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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