i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
