i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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