The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
