Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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