I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
