By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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