I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
