are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
