on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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