i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
