Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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