The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
