Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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