i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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