I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
