your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
