Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize