I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
