the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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