come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
