I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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