there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
