Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
