is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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