I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
