I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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