matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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