No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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