Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
