Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
