i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
