i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives