if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.