3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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