You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.