i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.