I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..