Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
