I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Green mimosas i think yes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
