Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
